Hey.

How are you?

Apollodorus

That trivial statement hurt more than I thought it would.

Apollodorus

You came into my life and made things awesome.

I hope it stays that way.

I said to forget about the future and look forward to what we have now.

What now?

Apollodorus

I want so badly to fall in love with you.

Empedocles

Fuck people that fall asleep while hanging out with them.
They don't deserve your time if they can't even give you their 100%.

Empedocles

FUCK YOU MOM FOR CALLING ME A BITCH.
YOU'RE THE BITCH.

Empedocles

Maybe one day, we won't have to hide.
We'd be free, finally, you and me -
No one to confide.

Empedocles

Maybe we'll fall in love;
and run away - I know it's cliché.
But I'm hoping you'd stay - and never leave, like yesterday.

Empedocles

Is this really how the story ends?
Because this is a fucking stupid ending.

Empedocles

I don't want to want you -
no, I don't want to have to wait;
why am I still here - this can't be fate.

Fuck you with your inconsistency,
so as this stanza.

Empedocles

My heart heaves a sigh,
like a part of it still lies
with -

Why can't I seem to function without another person?

Empedocles

I feel torn between -
something can't be undone.
And there's no real answer for it,
no way of fixing things without chaos following behind.

Empedocles

Things can't obviously end so quickly and abruptly.

Empedocles

My heart heaves a sigh - I've let go and
suddenly feel
empty-handed.

Maybe it's better off this way; I finally feel pain,
instead of this euphoric dream.

I feel free, but it hurts. I want something - something assuring.
But it doesn't feel right to be pretending that things are any different.
Because I'm just living one, big, stupid lie.

I feel foolish to think I was the only one when I'm not. I'm not.
I want to be, wish I could be - but I can't. Cannot.

Empedocles

Tonight seems so empty for some odd reason.
I don't feel secure here. I feel awkward, and I'm having a horrible time sleeping.
I don't like this. This isn't what I want.
I feel confined, I feel lost - I feel trapped. I hate this. I don't want this.
I need something constant.

Empedocles

Don't take it personal.

Empedocles

We're all just bold statements too scared to scream our feelings.

Oh, I'm quite in the hot-seat tonight; apparently the topic has made its rounds before. It's nobody's secret tonight - it's nobody's secret.

Empedocles

Remember.

I don't want this moment to be just minor detail on your tapestry of life.

Apollodorus

We all have little parts of us itching to come out.

come out, come out, come out

Empedocles

Everytime you hold my hand,
you take me to the clouds. I'd never want to let go of this,
but the sound, it's way too loud.
Oh please, just say you'll run with me. We'll tear this world apart.
Oh please, just say you'll fall in love. All I've wanted from the start.

Empedocles

I'd wake up;
and you wouldn't tell the difference.
Will you ever tell the difference?

Empedocles

I can't belive you would even think of flaking out on me.
What kind of friend are you?

Empedocles

Wind of confusing, take me away -
He held his hand out.

The moment, held so still;
but not for time to think
itself - held still.

I gave in, you too.
I wasn't thinking, wasn't thinking.
It felt real, but at the same time so different.
But it can never reverse.

Empedocles

I reached out my hand,
"amends" I said.
Yet.Your.Hand.It.Did.Not.Reach.
The.Hand.That.Reached.In.Reconcile.
I'll reconvince myself, for a while.
That even if you disagree,
you'll never take that part of me -
that tried and made the effort; she
will hold her head up so high, you see;
but will always be in pain.

Empedocles

FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.
ASSHOLE.

Empedocles

The stares were too long to answer any questions - your hand, I couldn't decipher;
your intentions - not so clean were your stares. Daggers.
I held back.

I gave in.


I lost.

Daggers.



I regret. My chapstick. The dim lights. My keys were so close as to opening my car-door. But.


And nothing. I hear nothing thereafter.

Empedocles

You make me gush out giggles, I feel the butterflies, I feel them


They fly.





And all I can do is smile when I see you, pretend that you are mine





Pretend that every glance where we meet matters
and that someday, I'll be in your arms,
your awkward stance, that reassuring smile,
your hand slightly holding mine, but not too long to
make anything too certain.

You let out a chuckle, and tell me words I can't escape.

Yet, I can't anyway. I'm stuck.

Empedocles

Every time I feel an inch of jealousy, I just tell myself that I can actually do better than you - and it makes me feel a lot better; because I can.

I realize this sometimes and wonder why I hurt so easily - because obviously I deserve a lot more than I can at times.

And so what if you talk to or flirt with other girls - haven't you before we even got together? So why am I feeling so fucking vulnerable? I shouldn't. Because - in the end, sure - some of them will be cuter or prettier or hotter or skinnier, but ultimately, I am going to make a fuckload of money in the future - and you'll end up with some dumb "cutesy-dutsy" Asian whore and live from welfare. Yeah. Fuck yeah, bitch.

Empedocles

Thanks for yelling at me in front of my boyfriend, Mom - you're so fucking embarassing.

Empedocles

I found a new purpose.

Empedocles

Honesty sometimes isn't the best policy because
everytime I tell the truth; I get shit for it -
so why be real about anything, when people are
always melodramatic about stupid things that
don't really matter?
I'm fucking tired; someone get me out of this
stupid mess.

Empedocles

I feel lost in my subconscious lullibies,
Your sweet demise - I'm losing sight,
and sound of everything - and everywhere
I look, I can't help but wonder
what it'd be like without you.
I'm breaking analogs, but why would that even matter?

Empedocles

a: How big is the universe?
b: Infinite.
a: How do you know?
b: I know because all the data indicates it's infinite.
a: But it hasn't been proven yet.
b: No.
a: You haven't seen it.
b: No.
a: How do you know for sure?
b: I don't, I just believe it.
a: It's the same with love I guess.

Apollodorus

You fucking, inconsiderate control-freak.
Fuck you and your selfishness; and my wasted emotions.
And most of all, your unwanted, reluctant melodrama.
Goodbye, asshole.

Empedocles

Just because today was bad doesn't mean tomorrow has to be.

Calculus. We've grown a lot since the days of multiplication and division.

I never would have guessed that I'd be like this one day, and yet I don't regret a thing.

Apollodorus

Hm. Is it worth it to put any more thought into this

predicament?

I feel distant from the past. Time is distorted beyond control as of now. Guess all I can do is just accept it and make the best out of every damn situation life throws at me.

Apollodorus

I'm starting to think that this isn't worth it anymore. I've lost hope. I don't want this anymore. I really don't.

Empedocles

FUCK YOU, AND YOU'RE SELFISH WAYS.

Empedocles

How real is reality?

I can't help but feel like this is all a dream.

Apollodorus

To be-lieve;

Or not to be-lieve.

That's the damn question.

Apollodorus

Like after a rainy day, there's always going to be sunshine.

Empedocles

I. Fucking. Hate. You. Right. Now.

And not you, Jerell.

Empedocles

Accept what cannot be changed.

It is what it is.

Did you forget about this thing?!

Apollodorus

The most uncomfortable day

Apollodorus

Do you trust me that much;

Or did you just stop caring?

Apollodorus

I feel weird.

I feel oddish, like not vileplume.

Apollodorus

I tried so hard, and got so far,

But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

LOL

If something bothers you, why do it?

Apollodorus

Why couldn't I ask that question?

Apollodorus

Why the hell did I do that?!

It in no way benefited me at all.

Apollodorus

And what if this feeling never leaves, then do I just settle down?

Empedocles

Wake up.

Apollodorus

Comfort in my own skin.

I feel fucking good.

Sometimes I jumble so many thoughts I forget to flush.

Sorry you had to experience that first hand,

Grandpa.

Apollodorus

Walking is similar to living life.
Looking up, foreseeing the obstacles to come.
Looking down, dealing with the obstacles right in front of you.

I used to miss the me i used to be.
I just looked outside my window and noticed a thick fog.
Irony.

http://peanutbutterplatypus.tumblr.com/

Apollodorus

Letters coming in, my future seems set.

I'm currently deciding what to put in that box - what I'm taking with me; and what I will leave behind.

Empedocles

You shatter every little piece of me -





and then some.

Empedocles

Everything is temporary; the good and the bad,
Elusive.

Apollodorus

I have a feeling that you take me forgranted.

Empedocles

Remember the memories worth being remembered.


Apollodorus

WOW. Way to fucking ruin my night.
Thanks Mom.

Empedocles

Different.


Apollodorus

Will our misguided focus lead to our demise;
Or lack of focus?

You make me feel better;
You help me prioritize;
Thanks rationality.

Knowingly dissimilar.
Unknowingly simmilar.

I... I don't know you... but... I feel like I should.
Apollodorus

Perfection made complete - in your eyes.
But I sat and pondered, sweet demise.

Independence;
Synonymously liberating.

Live your life. Don't let anyone live it for you.
Apollodorus

I was talking about you. I was guess-timating.

Too much drama at the moment at home, at school, at church - things are really doing a full 180 on me.

So, I get busy - caught up - with all these stupid dilemmas; and I'm sorry I haven't been there for you lately.

Read my Tumblr. You should make one too.

Empedocles

I live 51.6 miles away.
Guess it's not me.
That'd make me too self centered and egoistic to think so as well.
I just googled and read stories about people like me.
Pathetic is the first word I can think of.
I need a real hobby.
I should stop being dependent on people.
I made my relationships my life.
I spent my last few years living in the past.
Because things were good then,
Because things were simpler.
Because it's damn easier to ignore than to accept.
Because shit can't be as sugar coated as we've fucking always wanted it to be.
Because I am weak.
Because I'm just me.
It's funny how there's no I in myself,
But there's a you in yourself.

I don't have depersonalization disorder.
It's just easier to point the finger.

Also, sorry I didn't talk much today.
I just wanted to see if you'd ask the questions this time.

Apollodorus

Sixty miles away, and you still care.

Empedocles

Thinking less.
Feeling less.
Ignorance is bliss.

In need of a date.
Thinking more.
Feeling less.

Thanks for posting more.
I look forward to this more
Than you think I do.
Apollodorus

Sorry, Mom.
For the slight pain I caused today - I didn't mean to throw that fit.

Empedocles

Just for that moment, I felt
Fine.

When we talk,
I feel. Alive isn't the word I'm looking for,
But it comes close.

Lonely. Again. And. Again. And. Again

Apollodorus

It hurts me that my best friend likes my other best friend - the one that I like - actually, more than that; this bothers me - ow.

Empedocles

Nothing.



Because sometimes it's the best thing to say.

Apollodorus

I can't believe you said "yes".

Empedocles

Busy. Fuck that word.

Why can't I be busy for once?


Sweep sweep. Lost in the dustpan of life.

Apollodorus

It feels real to me.

I won't doubt it any longer.

You. Oh you.

Empedocles

I only care about what I think is important.

I have yet to find anything important.


I just want someone to care about me.

Significantly insignificant.

Apollodorus

All that was in veins

Was in vain.

Apollodorus